Elementary, my dear ObiWan
by Jemmiah
Summary: QuiGon turns detective.


Elementary, my dear Obi-Wan.

********************************

It was dark in Obi-Wan's apartment by the time he crawled back from his little foray at the "Hell's Chance" Cantina. It had been an extremely enjoyable occasion for all concerned. His long-standing friend Jay Abran had used the force to drop ice cubes down the necklines of passing women. Simeon Cates had frightened half the locals to death with that disgusting trick he did with his toes.

And he'd asked Jemmiah out.

When she'd agreed, he'd nearly passed out in surprise. 

That surprise had continued throughout the whole evening, infact he'd just sat there in a complete daze until the proprietor had eventually thrown them out. He hadn't even noticed the time.

As he glanced around the room, Kenobi felt relief. His master must have gone to bed. Letting out a faint sigh of gratitude, Obi-Wan activated the lights to come on at a low-ish setting and scrunched up his eyes slightly as his pupils readjusted themselves. 

Sith, my head hurts, he thought. That's the last time I let Simeon make up the order for the "Sabaac deathmatch" game. He put far too much Corellian brandy in it.

Nonetheless, Kenobi turned round with the vaguest hint of a smile tugging at his youthful features-

And found himself staring at the very much awake visage of Master Qui-Gon Jinn.

"Good morning, padawan." He said, allowing not a single trace of emotion to bleed into his words.

"G-g-good morning, master." Obi-Wan managed to stammer.

"Have a nice time out with your friends?" Jinn asked, arms folded across his chest.

"Master?"

"Jay Abran, wasn't it?" Qui-Gon made a show of wracking his brains. "That was who you said it was, I'm sure."

Obi-Wan nodded.

"Just Jay Abran? Nobody else?" He stared levelly at his fidgeting padawan. "You didn't for example, meet up with any other acquaintances at some point?"

"W-why do you ask, master?" Kenobi tried to figure out why his Qui-Gon was going so easy on him.

Qui-Gon stood up. "Do you know what the time is, padawan?"

Kenobi glanced at his chrono. "Ten minutes past three in the morning, master."

"It was a rhetorical question." He walked over to his apprentice. "And what time did I specify you had to be home by?"

Kenobi tried to gulp but found his throat was just too dry.

"Twelve, master."

"Well, it's good to see that your memory's not defective, even if your time keeping is."

"Master…I...er."

"Sorry, what was that? Was that the first tiny beginnings of an apology trying to squeak its way out of your voice box?" Jinn frowned.

Obi-Wan felt his blood freeze.

"Tell me, Obi-Wan," the masters' forehead creasing in consternation as he observed his squirming apprentice. "Do we have to have a little talk?"

"About what, master?"

"You've been to the "Hells' Chance" Cantina, haven't you padawan?" Qui-Gon stated.

How did he know? Kenobi couldn't believe it.

"You met up with Simeon Cates and Kryztan Harkley. And.…" He paused dramatically, as if trying to get a firm picture in his mind. "Tanni Welasa."

How? Had he been followed? Obi-Wans' breath had been taken completely away in astonishment.

"You had a total of seven drinks: at least one of which was the house special." He shook his head. "Very inadvisable, padawan. I think that may have been a mistake."

Kenobi's mouth dropped open.

"Master, how did you know?" The padawan demanded.

"Observation, my dear Obi-Wan. You've got the smell of Corellian Tabacc on you. The strong stuff, that both Master Berlingside and Kryztan Harkley like to smoke. So it was pretty obvious that HE was there. Tanni Welasa suffers from that unfortunate skin ailment and has a tendency to shed his skin and fur all over the place. Such as your robe." He indicated the clumps of dander that bedecked his padawans' clothes. "Simeon and Tanni are best friends. Where one fishes up, the other won't be far away."

"You've had the house special, because you've come out in an almighty rash, which is the effect that too much of that Alderaani Rum mixer has on you. And by the look of you, the consumption of said alcoholic beverage was prodigious. They only ever serve that stuff at that particular Cantina"

"How did you know I had seven drinks?"

"Lucky guess." Confessed Qui-Gon. "The question is, what are we going to do about it?"

"Master?" Kenobi looked up at him uneasily.

"Well, If I'm right, something else happened."

"What?" Obi-Wan wanted to curl up in a ball under his masters' scrutiny.

"You met someone else there, didn't you? A female?"

Obi-Wan nodded miserably as Qui-Gon circled him.

"Hmm. Let me see. " He closed his eyes. "Letina Sorrell? No. Ambianca? " He looked at his padawan. "I think that's highly unlikely." He stood right next to his padawan, and then recoiled in shock.

"Jemmiah?"

Obi-Wans' heart did a complete summersault.

"Jemmiah!" Qui-Gon scolded.

He wasn't taking this well at all, Kenobi swallowed.

"Er…yes." He confessed.

"Well. That's a relief, I must say." Jinn rolled his eyes, reaching for his robe.

"What is, master?" Obi-Wan felt totally confused.

"If you hadn't been kissing Jemmiah, I would have to have that little talk I mentioned, and frankly I was dreading that."

"Talk?"

"Yes, padawan. The one that starts with my asking why my padawans' suddenly started wearing lip-gloss. And to be honest, it's too late at night for that. Or should that be morning?"

He put his hand on Obi-Wans' shoulder.

"As for your kissing Jemmiah, we shall most certainly be discussing that in the near future."

"Am...am I going to be punished, master?" Kenobi looked distraught.

"What do you think, padawan?" Qui-Gon had a distinctly evil grin on his face. "Come on, Obi-Wan. Let's go."

"Go? Where, master? It's approaching quarter past three…"

"My punishment for putting my trust in you, it seems, is to be deprived of sleep." Jinn paused to pick off a clump of Welasas' hair. "Yours is to accompany me on a little trip to the healers."

"The healers! Master…"

"If we don't get that rash seen to soon, nobody in their right mind will want to be seen kissing you for a very long time. That includes Jemmiah. You know how long it took to clear up the last time you over indulged on the Alderaani Rum."

"But the time!" Kenobi gasped, trying to get out of it.

"Nevermind the time, Obi-Wan. Isn't that what you thought when you stayed out until after three in the morning?" He dragged Obi-Wan out through the door by the scruff of the neck.

"An-Paj will be there, I'm sure, to welcome you with open arms and a hypodermic. Isn't it a good thing THEY stay up 'till all hours?"

He marched his errant apprentice towards the turbo-lift.

"If there's one thing you should remember, Obi-Wan, it's that the healers doors are NEVER closed."


End file.
